


Second Chances

by AlexxaSick



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-20 06:07:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2417807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexxaSick/pseuds/AlexxaSick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jun has a second chance in life. He doesn't lose time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Second Chances

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Shardaunei](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Shardaunei).



> I wrote this in the frame of the Jun exchange 2014 for Shardaunei in LJ

Jun stepped out of the train, and he expected to see a run down, half cooked town. Instead he saw he had landed in a neat little train station. The sun was sacredly bright. He rarely had days so bright while he was in the cage. He lit a smoke as soon as he was out of the station. His cousin said he'd be on time. But if the past was any indication, he wouldn't be, he sat with his back against a wall and got comfortable.

 

The smoke swirled to his face and he swatted his hand in front ofhimself to send it away. He couldn't believe that he was out. He couldn't believe that life wasn't over, though life as he knew it WAS over.

 

Jun took another drag from his cigarette and looked up. Not realizing that he had heard something. There was a pick-up truck pulling into the parking lot, old, green and battered. Jun looked at the pathetically half-filled duffel bag. This was it; everything he possessed could fit in a duffel bag and his pockets. The magnitude of the ruin that his life had become hit his mind and blew him away every few minutes. It took him by surprise every time he remembered.

 

His last day as a free man was the last day with her… he didn't had time to throw himself a pity party, because in that moment the battered truck approached him. He would recognize that toothy grin anywhere. It was his cousin in their mother’s side, Aiba Masaki.

 

After they had hit puberty they had grown apart but right before they had met every summer and spent every day looking for adventures, which seemed to come to Masaki as naturally as breathing. Jun had been surprised when he heard that Aiba had signed up to be his probation officer. It was all good. He DID need a fresh start. He wasn't crazy about living in this forgotten by god place. But he felt that his cousin had the best intentions and that it could be just right for him right now.

 

"How was your trip?" Aiba asked as soon as he opened the door of the truck. The man was still as Jun remembered all arms and legs. Tall. With a smile that could make the sun bashful. Still talking without thinking further, Jun noticed.

 

"Tiresome." Jun answered handing his cousin the duffel bag, so he could tie it in the back of the truck. "There were two brats that ran all over the train; the parents weren't doing anything about it."

 

"Ahhh, but kids are great aren't they?" Masaki said climbing up the driver's seat again and motioning Jun so he went to the other door.

 

"I wouldn't say great…" Jun gritted between his teeth as he went around the truck and climbed into it.

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

He was set to work in the car workshop Masaki's brother ran. He didn't know much about cars but he had always been willing to learn. Even though his willingness his first day had been full of mistakes and embarrassment. He walked home. Or what he called his home these days. He needed to get acquainted with the streets. And walking like this, feeling the wind, even if it was hot, was making him feel so good.

 

He opened his eyes realizing he had just been standing there like a moron with his eyes closed. Looking around, Jun started to walk again figuring out he had walked into a green area; the green of the trees had started to wane to give way to the yellow. The afternoons hadn't started to get cold, but the nights were. Jun walked into the green area staying on the cobbled path, enjoying the shadows that kept enlarging as the afternoon reached its end.

 

A big brown building stood in front of Jun. "Library" said the sign over the door. His feet moved forward before he could think things through. Books were old friends. He had spent most of his time in prison with the company of one of them. They helped him to ease his conscience. Especially when he thought about her.

 

The library’s smell was strong: a mix of paper, ink, old books, cleaning products and just a bit of dust. Jun walked to the fiction section, selected one at random and took it to one of the couches. He started to read. The next time he lifted his eyes from the page, a man was tapping his shoulder. He wasn't that tall, his eyes and mouth were full and serious. He almost recoiled. When someone did that to you in there it was never something good. But then he noticed the red tee and the washed down trousers. The black hair falling over his forehead, he flicked his head to get it out of his eyes before talking.

 

"We are going to close in fifteen minutes, would you like to check that book out?" his voice was polite and proper. Jun had been unaccustomed to be talked in such fashion and for a moment he wondered what to do next.

 

"I'm not from around here…" Jun said after a while, the man smiled.

 

"Do you want me to put it on hold so you can continue reading tomorrow?"

 

"Can you do that?" Jun asked. His chest was pounding with a heart that wasn't used to be treated like a human anymore. He had reflected on this for a long time while he was "in" but he shook the thought quickly from his mind.

 

"Sure," The man smiled once again. "Let's go to my desk."

 

Jun followed the man to the front desk and handed him the book.

 

"I don't do this often, but you seemed really into it." He said pulling a post it from a drawer. "What's your name?"

 

"Oh, sorry for causing trouble… it's Matsumoto Jun."

 

The man wrote the name on the post it and attached it on the book’s cover.

"I'm Sakurai Sho. If I'm not here when you come back, ask one of my co-workers to look for it in my drawer. Okay?"

 

"Thank you very much, Sakurai-san. Nice to meet you, by the way..."

 

"Nice to meet you too, Matsumoto-san."

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

He stopped by the library most of the afternoons after work. He was hopeless when it came to fixing cars, but he was getting good at negotiating the price of the parts they bought, and the pricing. So Yuusuke left him in charge of that for the moment. Each afternoon was colder than the previous one. Jun walked to the library, when he didn't have to babysit for Yuusuke or he hadn't promised his older cousin to go out.

 

At first, he had let the weekend pass before going back to the library. Then he started going twice a week, which became thrice, and before he noticed he was going every day after work. But it wasn't just the books, the quiet, the fact that he felt as safe there as he had felt in the prison's library. It was Sakurai.

 

Sakurai was interesting. He was sweet and he was a dork. He made Jun laugh. So he went and read a few pages. Then followed Sakurai around, talking to him, watching him putting the books back on their shelves. The best thing about Sakurai was that he didn't ask questions. Whatever information Jun had revealed about himself had been on his own terms. He didn't press Sakurai for information either. But it was okay they didn't run out of topics to talk especially every time Jun finished a book. It was comfortable, like a blanket on a sunny winter day with a cup of coffee while sitting down by the window with a good book. That's what hanging out with Sakurai felt like.

 

"You're not from around here you say… but you're here every day…" Sakurai told him once Jun had been mocking him hard. The man had an adorable pout on his face that made Jun's heart leap.

 

"I'm not from around here. But I've been living around for a while, I'll be living here." Jun answered handing him another book.

 

"Oh… why don't you get your library card then?"

 

"And missing the opportunity of laughing at your pretty face? Nah…" Jun teased. Sho pouted again, but a smirk played at the corner of his lips.

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

"C'mon, Matsujun. We haven't gone out in ages!" Masaki exclaimed as they walked on the recently rained sidewalk. It smelled good, clean. Jun wasn't feeling particularly outgoing at the moment. But Masaki was right of course, he needed to get out there. He was a bit scared though, that if he was presented with drugs he wouldn't be able to say no.

 

"Don't worry, Matsujun, I'll take you to a safe place." Masaki said with a smile as he signaled his cousin they were turning right at the corner.

 

"It's okay…"

 

"Can you drink beer?"

 

"Yes, I can. Masaki, I am a junkie not a drunk." Jun explained trying to keep annoyance out of his voice. He knew his cousin meant well, but it was still annoying.

 

"You'll meet my friend Nino, remember I told you about him all the time when we were kids?"

 

Masaki kept talking about his friend Nino all the three blocks they walked until they reached the bar. In a way, Jun was jealous of them. Of all the stories they had together, of all the adventures, the woes, victories and failures they had lived together… he wasn't jealous of that, he was jealous that they STILL had that. The two people he had shared that with were gone. One of them a couple of years he landed in jail the other the very same day he was arrested.

 

"We're here." Masaki called, shaking Jun off his thoughts.

 

Jun was glad he could stop that train of thought. He hadn't thought much about the circumstances that had led him to be imprisoned as much as he had worried about what to do next, which was healthier he guessed.

 

The bar was neat and town-like. He hadn't been in a town bar before, but he imagined the bars in small towns like this one. Everyone seemed to know each other. Masaki guided Jun to a table in the back of the bar, a guy was already sitting there. He was alone and small. Smaller than him and his cousin at least. He had a mousy nose and skin. His smile was bright when he realized Masaki was approaching. His cousin introduced him as Nino.

 

"Hello, Aiba-chan, Nino-chan!" a women's voice greeted them.

 

"Hey Mao-chan" Masaki said. Jun turned around to see her. She was cute and the big smile really suited her. "This is my cousin, Matsumoto Jun." He introduced him.

 

Jun stood up and bowed politely.

 

"This is Inoue Mao-chan." Masaki continued.

 

"Ah… Nice to meet you Matsumoto-san." She said extending her hand to shake Jun's.

 

Reprising the phrase, Jun shook her hand.

 

"What can I get you guys?" She asked, placing some napkins on the table.

 

"Beer, two, please?" Masaki said sitting down next to Nino.

 

Three beers later, Mao kept winking at him, and grazing his hand as she handed him his beer. He had forgotten how it felt. The hot climbing up his stomach into his cheeks, the idiotic smile that he couldn't get off his face. He could see now that she wasn't just cute. Her black straight hair and the round eyes were beautiful.

 

She seemed to have a warm side for them, Jun didn't know if it was because of his cousin, his cousin's friend or himself, but he liked the attention, the extra limes that she brought them and that cutesy smile before she turned around and continued working. She made sure that they were well taken care all the while they were in the bar.

 

Ninomiya, or Nino as he insisted to be called, was funny. He had a good time and when they left the bar Mao-chan waved at him and his heart fluttered just a tiny bit.

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

"I met a girl." Sho was passing some books that had been put in the wrong place to Jun so he could take them back in order.

 

"Oh…" Sho said without looking back and handing Jun another book, "where did you meet her?"

 

"In this bar…" Jun answered, taking the book mindlessly and putting it on the pile he had been forming. "It's on 15th I think… I'm still not used to… yeah I think the 15th…"

 

"I've never been there, is it okay?" Sho asked, he hadn't pulled another book from the shelf, he just stood there on the ladder.

 

"Yeah, I mean it’s just a bar…" Jun stood there with his hand extended to receive another book but he didn't get it.

 

"Maybe we can go there sometime." Sho said taking one last book.

 

"Sure." Jun chirped and Sho sighed, checking out the numbers on the book's spine.

 

"Hand me the books in the order I gave them to you." Sho indicated holding the book on the edge of the bookcase.

 

They put the books away in silence and when Sho climbed down from the ladder he said in a quiet voice, "Do you want to eat dinner at my place?"

 

Jun smiled wide.

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

It had been a slow day in the shop. Jun was trying to organize some papers when the silver car pulled on the driveway to the shop. In his chest, his heart started to pound when he recognized the face behind the wheel. It was the waitress from the other night.

 

She looked as cute and even fresher than the night they hit the bar. He rushes to be the one who greets her.

 

"Good afternoon, can I help you?" He said once she had stopped the car and she was stepping out of it.

 

"Yeah, it's been getting hot since this morning…" She said not even looking at Jun.

 

Jun didn't know shit about cars, and the disappointment of her not recognizing him climbed up to his face quickly.

 

"I'll handle it Jun-kun." Yuusuke said pushing him aside.

 

He just walked back inside the office feeling hot. He didn't want to be seen like this, his face must have looked as red as a tomato and that wouldn't do. He was sure she had liked him. He had forgotten so many things, it had been more than those 4 years in prison that he hadn't had flirted with anyone, because before prison he had been living with Touko for around three years. He sighed, starting to feel the hotness subside; it had been a long time since he last thought about Touko. He hadn't visited her grave at all. Maybe if he asked, Masaki would agree to go back to Tokyo and…

 

The door of the office opened and Yuusuke entered, followed by Mao. "You can wait here, it won't be more than half an hour, Inoue-san. Please take a seat."

 

"Thank you very much Aiba-san." She said sitting down on the couch. Jun tried to ignore them as he fidgeted with the receipts he had in his hands.

 

"Offer her a cup of tea, Jun-kun." Yuusuke said in a low voice before he walked away.

 

Jun put the papers down and walked towards the counter where they had the tea pot and some cups. He served a cup and brought it to her. She thanked him with a smile. She had a very nice smile and Jun wanted to make conversation with her but since he didn't know what to say, he just walked away.

 

"You've been at the bar," She said after a few minutes had passed. It startled Jun, because he was so immersed in the task of putting order that he forgot about her.

 

"Yeah, last week, with Masaki…" Jun confirmed distractedly.

 

"Oh yeah… you were there with Aiba-chan and Nino." She walked towards the desk and leaned on it.

 

They talked. It wasn't a very profound talk, but he learned that she was from Tokyo too, but moved out five years ago because she liked the less fast pace of the country side, that she had been working on the bar for the last 8 months and that she liked it in here. He told her about Masaki and his job. He tried to keep out of the conversation about his encounter with the law and previous addiction.

 

Mao was easygoing. It was easy to talk with her. She laughed at his jokes, she teased him a little, just enough. It was almost as it had been with Touko in those first days of their relationship. When Yuusuke came back into the office, Mao wrote her cellphone in one of the papers that were in the discard pile.

 

Jun shook his head when he realized he had been comparing this girl he barely knew to Touko. Though these days he wasn't even sure if the relationship with Touko had been real at all. It sure hurt still as if it had been. Jun sighed and pocketed the phone number.

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

Masaki rode the train in silence beside him. Jun had a book he borrowed from Sakurai on his lap but he wasn't reading it. The terms of his probation didn't allow him to travel unless he had a chaperone. He wasn't sure if he should be glad or worried about Masaki saying yes when he asked.

 

It had been about four months since he had left prison. It was only natural, but it still surprised Jun that he didn't have to use any of the arguments he had prepared to convince Masaki to go to Tokyo with him.

 

He hadn't set a foot at Tokyo for four years. He knew Masaki had the things Jun's family could rescue of his and Touko's apartment, before the landlord could throw everything away. But he hadn't even bothered to ask until he entered the room Masaki had prepared for him and noticed his mementos and some of his old clothes.

 

He didn't even know where Touko was buried. He thanked when he stood blankly on the station lobby and Masaki pulled him into moving. He had researched, he had even visited the grave in his name. Masaki was a good guy like that, and he was grateful for what he had done for him. Even the things he didn't know or understand yet, he was grateful.

 

Masaki guided him to the gravestone, and left Jun alone. Masaki had insisted for them to bring a bucket and some other cleaning instruments, and now that he was here in front of where she… or the remains of her were, he understood the need for such things. It sank to him then. That she hadn't visited him in prison. That she hadn't called, that when he dialed her phone by mistake he had gotten the message that said that the line was disconnected. Even then it hadn't sunk into him how the world didn't have her anymore. Somehow in his mind they had broken up and she didn't want to know about him. But reality was here, buried.

 

He wanted to say something. Anything. But he wasn't an eloquent man, and his throat had closed. He only could mutter sorry and the tears fell on his face and to the grave stone, he was washing soon with water and tears. He arranged the flowers they had brought in the vase at the foot of the tomb. He prayed or he tried, anyway it had been so long since he had done that. He wanted to say something to HER but in the end he just said goodbye before walking towards the entrance of the graveyard.

 

Masaki was waiting there, fiddling with his phone. He was grateful about that too.

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

It was movie night at Sho's. He had started to call him Sho a little after the first dinner at his place. It was not a neat place as Jun thought of Sho. But it was cozy nonetheless. They camped in front of the sofa and watched movies. Sometimes they picked up some take out before getting to Sho's place, sometimes they ordered it on the phone, and on an occasion or two Jun had cooked.

 

They had had two beers each, and Sho seemed to be getting a bit tipsy. Jun knew he had to go home, but he just didn't want to yet. Sho was talking and Jun laughed at the story Sho was telling him about the woman in her forties that didn't know how to ask for fifty shades of gray.

 

The DVD menu played the intro again. The movie had ended several minutes ago but neither of them went to either turn off the DVD player or change the disc. After Sho finished his story they stayed in silence for a couple of minutes, drinking occasionally from their beer bottle. Sho took a breath, in a way that seemed that he was going to say something so Jun turned to him to look at him. But Sho didn't talk, he leaned towards Jun and pressed his plump lips against Jun's.

 

Jun first instinct was to pull away, shove Sho away and run home. The feeling of the warmth of his lips and his breath wasn't bad at all and he didn't push the librarian or pulled apart. He parted his lips and trapped Sho's lower lip, encouraging him to deepen the kiss.

 

They kissed for a few minutes. It felt so good. Slow, wet, tender. If Jun could summarize everything Sho was for him that kiss would be a good example: passionate and dedicated. They separated when Jun's phone rang and Masaki asked him why he was so late. Even then they kissed at Sho's doorstep, before Jun went home.

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

Masaki ran towards the sea while Nino stayed under the shade cooling himself with a fan, or at least trying. The day was humid and hot, that's why they ended up by the beach. Masaki had driven them there in the tattered green truck. Mao wore a big hat and a pareo tied to her waist. She was looking gorgeous under the afternoon sun. Masaki called Jun and Mao to follow him. Jun's cousin could be such a kid, sometimes. Or so Jun thought, but it wasn't a bad thought. Being child-like made him accepting, tolerant, kind and he was a person who naturally drew people towards him.

 

Mao took Jun's hand before running towards the water. They played with the water. Masaki built a risqué figure with the sand. Mao and Jun played house with the sand and some action figures Masaki brought for some reason. Nino kept in the shade taking pictures and pretending he wasn't laughing at them.

 

When the afternoon fell, Masaki and Nino went to get some fireworks. Mao and Jun sat on the sand looking at the sea. Everything was warm, but her body seemed even hotter as she scooted closer to him.   He fought the impulse of wrapping her in his arm but lost. Mao looked to his face with a shy smirk on her face. She wanted a kiss, he could see it on her face. But there was Sho, who had made his way to his hearth as much as her.

 

He delayed before complying with what she was asking silently. It wasn't more than a peck, then Jun pulled back.

 

"Mao-chan?" He said quietly, trying to force his voice to be steady.

 

"Yeah?" She asked softly planting a small kiss on his jaw.

 

"I need you to know something, before you decide to go on with our relationship."

 

Mao went stiff and pulled slightly apart, "What is it?"

 

"I do like you, a lot. I'd like to continue seeing you, if you want to…" He said, his eyes trained on hers. Her expression wary and his, a bit worried. "I'm seeing someone. But we're not exclusive, and I really do like you Mao-chan."

 

Mao stayed silent and pushed the arm he had around her off her, "Have you tell her that you're seeing me?"

 

"So far we hadn't being dating, I didn't think we were… I thought we were hanging out, like friends hanging out…"

 

"So, no." She put her arms around herself, her legs stiff in front of her.

 

"Not yet, but if you want us to start to date, I'm going to tell…"

 

"I'm not a consolation prize." Mao said between her teeth.

 

The loud voice of Masaki came from not far behind them. Nino was laughing.

 

"I never said you were." Jun groaned with annoyance.

 

Mao didn't say more she stood up and went to meet the other guys feigning steadiness.

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

As soon as the library was closed for the public, Sho's co-worker went to do the paperwork and before Sho pulled the cart with the used books - an arrangement they settled because he hated paperwork and she hated going on the ladder -- Sho pulled Jun close and kissed him on the corner of his mouth.

 

Jun reciprocated the kiss but they both pulled apart before it could heat up. It was always like that with Sho. He always pulled away before things could get sexy. It was okay with Jun. He was more than okay taking it slow, he hadn't felt attracted or loved in four years and he wanted to enjoy himself in this relationship and every one of its nuances.

 

There weren't many books today, and Sho finished putting the books back to their place soon.

 

 

"On the weekend, my cousin took me to the beach." Jun said conversationally, as they sat on a couch, waiting for Sho's co-worker.

 

"Did you have fun?" Sho asked with a sweet smile. Jun smiled back before answering

 

"Yeah, we swam, built sand castles and lit fireworks at night." Jun told him.

 

"Did you go by train?" Sho asked taking Jun's hand in his.

 

"No, Masaki took us in his truck."

 

"Just you and your cousin?"

 

"No, my cousin's friend came along. Mao, the girl from the bar came too." Jun explained casually, feeling Sho go stiff beside him.

 

“Mao?" Sho gritted between his teeth.

 

"Yeah. You jealous?" Jun asked teasingly.

 

"No, of course not." Sho denied and leaned on Jun. "Why, should I be?"

 

"I do like her, you know." Jun said pressing Sho's hand still in his. "We kissed."

 

"You kissed…" Sho repeated but he wasn't pulling away.

 

"Yes. I'd like to date her." Jun explained.

 

"Oh…" Sho said, this time pulling apart.

 

"We can still be together, can't we?” Jun said, now leaning against Sho. "I mean… we are like… together now, aren't we?"

 

"Yeah, I guess we are." Sho relaxed again. "Mao you said? Mao who?"

 

"Inoue Mao." Jun answered, feeling Sho tense again.

 

He was about to ask Sho if he knew her, when his coworker walked out of the office pulling her purse over her shoulder.

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

Masaki and Nino liked baseball. Jun had played in middle school, then stopped when he started to do smack, and started again in prison. He wasn't sure about how he felt about being playing again. They were just throwing the ball. Mao was there too, laughing and calling their names when they dropped it or their pitch was particularly weak.

 

They went into the batting cages after an hour or so, bought some floats and took turns to bat the ball. Masaki was more than a decent batter. Nino triedon the right hand but failed, but as he tried on the left he almost tied with Masaki. Mao was good too, and when it has been Jun's turn, he wasn’t up to the other three.

 

Jun felt humiliated and took refuge from the other's teasing in the men's room. He hadn't exercised much since he left prison. It wasn't an excuse, but he couldn't help feel like this. He knew they didn't mean any harm but it didn't help his anger to decrease.

 

He let the water ran over his hands. That's what he did back in the cage when he felt powerless and needed to know he was alive, that drugs hadn't killed him too. When he was pissed off. Right now he was very pissed off. With himself mostly.

 

Once he had calmed down, about 20 minutes later. He came out and Mao was sitting with her smoothie and shades on a bench a few meters from the door of the restrooms. She was fiddling with her phone with a bored expression. She smiled at him when she noticed him approaching.

 

"You're such a kid." Mao said punching him on the arm.

 

"Right." He said forcing a smile. "I've always been a sore looser"

 

"Sorry, then." She said hitting him again, playfully.

 

"No problem." He sat beside her and they stayed there silent. "Where did Masaki and Nino go?"

 

"They said they needed cigarettes." Mao said before putting the straw to her mouth red from the cold again.

 

"Oh." Jun said. His face turning red before he could help it. He knew for a fact Masaki had bought a pack just before picking up both Nino and Mao. He wished for her not to notice.

 

"What? Did you wanna smoke too?" She teased.

 

"Yeah…" He said taking the easy way out. It puzzled him what had been Masaki and Nino's intentions. They knew he liked Mao? Or they just wanted some alone time?

 

"So… last time you said you were seeing someone. Can I ask who is it?" Mao said, and her voice seemed forced to be calm and cheerful. "Masaki said you weren't seeing anyone."

 

"He's a librarian. I met him because I like to stop at the library after work." He said, he didn't say the name, because, really what were the odds of them knowing each—

 

"Oh, honey, tell me it's Rei the forty years old…"

 

"What?" Jun said confused. "No, I'm with Sho… so you know him?"

 

"Yeah… I'd say I know him." She said pensively. Something seemed to click inside her and show on her face, but Jun didn't understand. "C'mon, let's wait for Ninomi and Aiba-chan outside."

 

That afternoon, Jun made out with Mao on the back of Masaki's truck.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

"So you started dating her?" Sho asked, his voice wasn't concerned.

 

"Yeah. Is it okay?" Jun pushed even closer to him, hugging him tighter.

 

"I don't mind. I mean. You probably want family and get laid."

 

"Hey Sho. I won't leave you. I think I love you." Jun whispered as he climbed on Sho's lap. They were only lit by the television. He ended up looking at Sho's eyes.

 

"You deserve to have a family and such. I cannot give you those things…" Sho explained in his best librarian voice, collected and cold.

 

"Hmmm… I won't leave you until you get tired of me and push me away." Jun said leaning so their foreheads touched. "Are you pushing me away Sho?"

 

"No… I love you too." Sho said closing his eyes.

 

"Good." Jun said before closing the distance between their mouths.

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

Masaki was sitting on the porch with Nino. They were having a cigarette; Jun could see the smokeit through the window. He was sitting on the couch with Mao. They all had been watching movies most of this Saturday afternoon.

 

She clicked her tongue and turned to Jun. He held his eyes on the screen a little longer before looking back at her. Her eyes were deep and brown, perfectly shaped. Her mouth was pouting and he smiled. She looked adorable and he couldn't help it.

 

Mao kissed him. Unlike Sho, Mao was a taker. He didn't mind, whatever she wanted, he was willing to give. Things got hotter as the minutes passed. She even climbed to his lap and straddled him.

 

Holding her tight, caressing her back, Jun deepened their kiss, more tongue more teeth. She seemed to shiver in his arms every time he hurt her a little bit, not enough to bruise though.

 

The laugher coming from outside reached his ears and he realized they were in the living room of his cousin. That both Nino and Masaki would return any moment and find them in the middle of… this.

 

Jun tried to not be too abrupt in stopping Mao.

 

"Why?" She asked in a high pitched voice even if it wasn't very loud.

 

"Masaki and Nino are just out there." He pointed out, his breathing was labored, more than he thought.

 

"Right… Wanna go to a Love-ho then?" She smiled pecking his nose.

 

"I…" Jun started answering, but then the door opened and Masaki's voice was louder.

 

She clicked her tongue again and dismounted Jun. He pulled one of the pillows from Masaki's couch and put it on his lap to conceal the tent in his trousers.

 

After a while Nino offered to take Mao home with his scooter. She accepted even if Jun was hoping they actually would go to the Love hotel. Nino climbed onto his scooter and Masaki went inside to give them a few moments to say goodbye.

 

"Tell Sho no to spoil you, right?" She said before kissing him on the cheek.

 

Jun didn't know how to answer that. He stayed silent and watched her putting on the helmet Nino was offering her and then both of them ride around the corner.

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

Sho was reading him out loud. Sho's voice was just made for this, or so Jun thought as he lay with his head on Sho's lap. It was a weird book, about the personification of life and other legendary creatures of Russia. He liked it all. Sho's cozy living room with no couches but a bunch of cushions and pillows. The smell of decaf hanging in the air along with scented candles. Of course his voice traveling not only over the space but into Jun's body making his skin break in goose bumps.

 

Jun started tracing his fingers over Sho's calf, pushing them up to the back of his knee. He reached his thigh and he stuck his hand between his legs. His voice stopped for a few seconds and then continued. For the same time, Jun stalled his hand. When Sho started to read again, Jun continued.

 

"Wait. No, Jun wait." Sho said closing the book and trying to push Jun's hand away.

 

"What's wrong?" Jun said kneeling by Sho, to be able to look at his face.

 

"I… I thought…” Sho seemed embarrassed and gulped, Jun started to feel guilty but he didn't know about what. "I thought we weren't doing that."

 

"Oh…” Jun whispered. "I'm sorry. Do you need time? Or you just don't do it?"

 

"I do it. Some times. On special occasions. But it just doesn't feel right all the time… Is it a problem?" Sho asked with a worried grimace on his face.

 

"No. Not at all." Jun assure smiling. "We can still do kissing and cuddling, right?"

 

"Yeah." Sho smiled again leaning to kiss Jun.

 

"Good." Jun moaned between kisses.

 

After some more cuddles and more reading, Jun was ready to go home.

 

"Be nice to costumers, even if they're annoying" Sho told him in a teasing tone as they said goodbye by Sho's doorstep.

 

"I will… try." Answered Jun before pushing one last kiss against Sho's lips. "Bye."

 

"Bye."

 

Jun turned around and started walking.

 

"Hey, Jun?" he heard Sho behind him, so he stopped and faced him. "Tell Mao to take better care of you."

 

Jun furrowed his brow but didn't know how to respond to that so he just waved before walking away.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

It's been bothering him. Both of them were being cryptic and he felt like he had arrived late to a conversation, understanding only half of it. He did not go to the library the next day or the day after day. He told Masaki that he needed time to think about things that he didn't want to go to the bar or that please stop trying to get him to answer Mao's calls.

 

He decided to walk towards the fishermen docks. Just a change of scenery. His head hadn't been this huge of a mess since he got out of the cage. The breeze was cool and it made him feel better, at least less… congested.

 

Behind him a guy was walking holding a fishing rod. Jun stood and leaned over the veranda to look at the water.

 

"Ah I'm sorry, this is where the fishes bite better." The man that had been walking behind Jun said apologetically.

 

"I'm sorry, I'll get out of the way." Jun said apologetically.

 

"No, I'm messing with you." The man said in a joke tone. "I just thought you looked… kinda suicidal. Are you okay?"

 

"Yes, I'm fine. Thanks for your concern." Jun said blushing.

 

"Do you want to learn how to fish?" The man offered.

 

It was odd and Jun hesitated but then accepted. What did he have to lose? He was interesting, he worked illustrating children books and he came here in the afternoon to take the edge off, have a beer or two.

 

"So you're dating these two people." The man said, and for the first time Jun asked himself why he had told so much about himself to someone who didn’t even know his name.

 

"Yeah." he said sipping his bottle again.

 

"They are apparently fine with you dating both. But they send weird messages to each other." He continued.

 

"Basically, yeah." Jun said blushing again, knowing what people usually thought about the one and only.

 

"So it's clear what you have to do, isn't it?" he said stroking the few hairs on his chin.

 

"Clear?" Jun asked still confused because he didn't see anything clear about it.

 

"Yeah, you have to get them to meet and discuss the agreement on your relationships." Jun opened his mouth and it hung open for a couple of seconds.

 

"What if doesn't end well?" Jun finally said growing smaller on his place.

 

"Then you move on. You grieve, you go through your stages of loss and then you move on." He explained with that calm and rhythmic voice that seemed to have all the reason in the world.

 

Jun's eyes watered a little and he didn't want to admit he was scared because he might lose both. Because they would hate him for bringing them together.

 

"Hey, it'll be better than to get hurt in the middle of whatever these two have. Don't you think?" the man interrupted Jun's train of thought.

 

"Yeah…" He decided that the next weekend he'd see them both and make them talk. "Listen I've got to go home now…"

 

"Sure, and come to fish with me again, if we catch anything I'll cook it for you." The man said giving Jun his hand.

 

"Okay, yes… so what's your name? I'm Matsumoto Jun." He introduced himself.

 

"I'm Ohno Satoshi, nice to meet you."

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

Masaki had gone to spend the night at Nino's. He hadn't asked why Jun needed the apartment, but he had agreed without hesitation. Masaki was just as kind as that. Jun was very grateful for that too.

 

He cooked dinner. Pasta for three. He thought for a moment about make it a candlelight dinner, but in the end decided against it. He still broke a bottle of red wine and fished Masaki's best china from a cupboard.

 

There was a knock on the door exactly at 7:00. It was Sho, who kissed him slowly and held him for a while. They sat at the living room drinking wine and talking about their weeks.

 

When the second knocking came, Sho looked at Jun with a questioning expression. Jun just asked him to wait for a bit and went to answer. Mao jumped and rounded him with her arms. Jun kissed her cheek and caressed her hair.

 

Noticing Sho in the living room, Mao immediately let Jun go. Jun pulled Mao by the hand and guided her to the checkered sofa.

 

"I don't know what the story is, but you need to stop sending messages to each other through me and start talking." Jun said. "Do you want me to leave you alone?"

 

"No." both of them answered so Jun served a third glass of wine and handed it to Mao.

 

They remained silent sipping their wine for a while.

 

"I'm sorry I'm going to go." Sho said finally. Standing up.

 

"Please stay," Jun asked him taking his hand. "I just need to know why you are so mad at each other. Is it because of me?"

 

"No, Jun it isn't you… not entirely you." Mao said quietly, her voice going even lower to the end of the sentence. "Sho and I used to date."

 

Sho stood there avoiding looking at both, his face growing red.

 

"What?" Jun said incredulously, letting go of Sho's hand, "Did you think about telling me at some point?"

 

"I'm sorry Jun." Sho said. "I… just… I'm sorry."

 

"How long were you together?" Jun asked wrapping himself with his own arms.

 

"Two years…" Mao said and then looked briefly at Sho before correcting, “Almost two years."

 

"Why did you break up?" Jun asked crossing his leg and leaning on the back rest.

 

"It's complicated." Mao gritted between her teeth.

 

"You both cleared your schedule to stay the night and none of us have to work tomorrow." Jun said shifting on his seat uncomfortably. "So just tell me instead of being all cryptic."

 

"We met after I finished college." Sho said pacing a little then settling on a chair.

 

"We met at the library. I was studying for entering college." She explained getting smaller in her place.

 

"Did you love each other?" Jun asked softly, almost like the question didn't want to leave his throat.

 

Both answered at once, "Yes." it made Jun worry. What would a convicted drug dealer, junkie and barely employed person could provide to these wonderful people?

 

"Why did you break up?" Jun asked, trying to follow the fisherman's advice. Trying to get it over with, over it. He didn't really want to know. The answer didn't come. "Did you stop loving…?

 

Jun didn't finish his question, because he noticed that Sho and Mao were looking at him as if he was saying something outrageous.

 

"This is where it gets complicated." Sho explained, or tried to leaning forward on his chair, then back again.

 

"I started feeling insecure." Mao cleared her throat before talking and her hands wringed on her lap. "We started fighting."

 

"We split so we wouldn't hurt each other." Sho complemented.

 

"So, what? I'm just a vehicle so you can keep hurting each other?!" Jun questioned tightening his embrace around himself. He tried to keep his voice from breaking but failed towards the end.

 

"No, of course, not Jun." Sho said shifting places, kneeling in front of Jun, facing him. "I love you."

 

Jun looked at Sho for a second and then evaded his eyes.

 

"I do, Jun. I'm sorry that you thought that." Sho continued touching his knee.

 

Mao´s face was red and she seemed to refuse to look at Jun. She stood up after a while and stood by Jun.

 

"Mao?" Jun asked when she didn't say anything.

 

"I did want to get you away from Sho at first." Mao confessed still wringing her fingers nervously. "I care about you, now."

 

"Why?" it was Sho who asked the question first.

 

"Because you hurt me Sho. I didn't want you to hurt him too." Mao explained, her tone was embarrassed.

 

"He has not hurt me." Jun's voice was curt and he looked at her.

 

"He hasn't gone to bed with you either." She whispered.

 

"No, that's not our relationship." Jun explained.

 

"How can you be with someone without actually being WITH that someone?" Mao raised her voice looking between the two men.

 

"Jun said it. That's not our relationship." Sho stepped back and sat on the same sofa Jun was sitting on, but in the other end.

 

"Then you're not seeing each other you're friends!" Mao continued.

 

"Why? Why wouldn't we be dating and in love with each other?" Jun asked standing up at once.

 

"If you're in love you want to have sex with your significant other." Mao's voice started to fail.

 

"So that's love to you? Just screwing?" Jun asked with a voice that hit a higher pitch.

 

"NO! Not just that…" Mao's voice started to break. "But it's important, isn't it?"

 

"Mao…"

 

"What's wrong with me? Why do I keep falling for guys who won't touch me?" Mao sobbed burying her face in his hands.

 

"I want to touch you Mao." Jun whispered, reaching to touch her upper arms, stroke them comfortingly.

 

Mao didn't say anything.

 

"I tried, Mao." Sho spoke in a defensive voice, "You know I did, and I love you. That's why I let you free, so you could find someone who could make you happy."

 

"I know." Mao rubbed her eyes before looking at Sho over Jun's shoulder.

 

"So you used me? To get back at Sho?" Jun asked still holding her by the shoulders

 

Her eyes looked back at Jun's and she took a moment before answering. "At first… yes." then she gulped. "Now, I do like you, Jun… I think I'm starting to love you."

 

"I do want to touch you Mao." Jun said. "… I also am starting to love you."

 

She embraced him and wept against his chest. He took a bit longer then held her against him.

 

"I better go now." Sho said in a low voice getting to his feet.

 

"Don't you dare." Jun said extending his arm invitingly.

 

Sho hesitated before approaching them and letting Jun hold him too. After a while Mao's arm went around Sho too, and few instants later Sho embraced them.

 

Some chaste kisses were exchanged before dinner.

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

Mao was warm on the bed, next to him. She is breathing deep and slow. Jun doesn't want to move, he doesn't want to wake her up. He was still groggy himself. As his senses got sharper and the sleep freed his perceptions, he hears a second breathing, senses more warmth, then he remembered: Sho stayed too.

 

Sho was farther on the bed, almost rolling off the mattress. Jun could barely feel his warmth.

 

Taking a big breath, Jun opened his eyes, taking in the librarian's room. Recognizing the wall to wall bookcase, the messy closet and the piles of clothes.

 

He felt happy, sated, in peace and of course, very much in love.


End file.
